It was her birthday, so I asked her big picture-end of a year/start of a new type of questions. I asked her what she was looking forward to this year and how she had changed over the course of the past three years. She eventually replied, and I began thinking about myself and how I changed. I feel like people’s personalities don’t really change over time. They’re still silly, still crazy, still awkward as ever. But what does change is our views on life and the things we’re passionate about. I feel like I’ve become more realistic about things as time has gone on. Although I’m still ambitious and still consider fantasy as one of my favorite genres, I feel like now I have a plausible view on where my life can end up. And that makes me happy. Not because I’m not dreaming as big anymore, but because now I have something to dream about. Something to work toward. Something that can serve as a goal for me and keep me satisfied.
And I wanted to erase everything on Earth that reminded me of you. Your scent, your smile, your touch. I didn’t want any of it. Not in my memories, not in my thoughts, not in my head. I wanted to delete every photo we had taken together, every gift you had ever given me, and every song that made me think of you. I wanted you to not exist.
But you did. And you do. And there’s nothing really I can do about that. Because you were a part of me and for some reason that part is still there.
“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller
We say to girls – you can have ambition, but not too much
You should aim to be successful but not too successful otherwise you will threaten the man
Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important
A marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or for accomplishments,which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are
Feminist: A person who believes in the economic, social and political equality of the sexes.”
-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Adichie’s words are featured in Track 11, "Flawless," of Beyonce’s new album.
In the past week, I’ve heard my father say, “Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un” three times. Three phone calls. Three deaths. None of the people were people I had met or remembered, but still.
"Surely we belong to God and to Him shall we return."