simple living, high thinking

It’s an "about me" section so I guess I could tell you about myself and how I have brown eyes and black hair and how I’m just another college student living in a big big world that, at times, feels so small. I guess I could tell you how I’m super Indian and how I love beautiful things, whether it’s the very first lyrics in a song or the way the corners of your mouth go up a little when you smile. I guess I could tell you my dreams, how I hope to be filthy rich one day and travel the world because there’s simply so much to see and so much I want to do. I guess I could tell you how I have an immense passion towards words and the way we use them and that is the main force that drives me when running this blog. I guess I could tell you about my personal life and about what makes me want to get out of bed in the morning and what allows me to cry in the shower where my tears can’t be seen. I guess I could tell you a lot of things, but then I wouldn’t know where to start. I live a simple life. It just requires a lot of thought. Join me as I attempt to figure it out.

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72 plays

“Tonight” - John Legend feat. Ludacris

“I don’t wanna brag, I’ll be the best you ever had”

me

I believe it was March 22, 2011. I had just received my acceptance packet from Scripps and my rejection letter from USC but I had my interview for Cal State Fullerton’s Presidential Scholarship the same day. I wiped away the seemingly endless tears and left to fake a smile on my face and answer questions for an interview I was attending only to please my father. Somewhere near the end of the interview, which was going well, they asked, “What would a full scholarship mean to you?” And that’s when I almost began to cry again. My voice cracked as I answered. I told them that I didn’t need money, my family wasn’t poor; but to have a full scholarship meant not being a burden to my parents. I spoke of how everything I was, was because of them and how a merit-based scholarship would mean that I could stand on my own feet and relieve myself slightly of my debt towards them. The interview committee smiled and nodded as I swallowed back my tears. Talking about my parents had always made me emotional. The interview ended. I was one of the first 12 students to be offered the scholarship. Eventually, I said yes. For you. But you wouldn’t believe that, now would you?

an excerpt

“And then ‘You?’ She had always called me ‘you’. ‘Is that you?’ on the telephone, ‘Can you? Will you? Do you?’ so that I imagined, like a fool, for a few minutes at a time, there was only one ‘you’ in the world and that was me.”

-The End of The Affair by Graham Greene

The hurt began to fade and it was easier to just let go. At least I thought it was. But in every boy I met in the next few years, I found myself looking for you, and when the feelings got too strong I’d write you another letter. But I never sent them, in fear of what I might find. By then, you’d gone on with your life and I didn’t want to think about you loving someone else. I wanted to remember us like we were that summer. I didn’t want to ever forget that.
The Notebook

(Source: eletheowl)


Love Come ↘

Love come 
light up the shadows 
Let the beauty of you enter in 
for I have hungered for a tender touch 
a long and lonely time 
I’ve seen much more than I want to 
so much anger, so much pain 
A line is drawn and lives are torn apart 
The wound’s too hard to heal 

Love has taken me in 
lifted my load 
and in this empty space a wonder grows 
a dream of some kind of peace I could hold up is true 
I never knew anything about love before you 

You can call, I come running 
I can sense the flood before it breaks 
and I’d do anything to dry your tears 
to let you know you’re safe 

And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.
Douglas Coupland